Why do we give lip service to polygamy?

Assalaam U Alykum Warahmatullaahi Wabarakaatuhu my dear Muslim brothers and sisters!

Islam is a complete code of life. Its religion as well as an ultimate living experience! Everything it encourages has something good in it and everything which it disallows has something bad in it for individuals and for societies as a whole! A person who is a Muslim will never question any of the commandment of Allaah SWT and will submit to it whether he knows the hikmah behind it or not. A Muslim is certain beyond any doubt that every single order of Allaah SWT is filled with wisdom and it has certain benefits.

The purpose of this article is to highlight and encourage and promote one particular commandment of Allaah which have been neglected since the beginning and due to that caused many problems in this world as whole as well as on individual basis!

Allaah SWT says in Quran: ‘Marry woman of your choice in ‘twos’ ‘threes’ or ‘fours’ but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly, (with them), then only one’ [Surah Nisa, 4:3]

First of all I would like to clear the misconception about Islam that it encourages polygamy.

Sheikh Yusuf Estes writes a very interesting commentary on this issue he says “When this Verse was revealed to Prophet Muhammad SAWW Men were strictly ordered to treat their women with the very best of treatment.

First of all, the men had to divorce their wives, if they had more than four. So this was not an order to go out and get four wives. It was an order to BEGINE LIMITATIONS. And the first limitation was; NO MORE THAN FOUR!

Secondly, the limitation of equal treatment for all of them; How could a man keep more than one wife unless he was exceedingly wealthy and/or exceedingly strong and virile?

Next, the limitation very clearly states; “… But if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then ONLY ONE …”

Qur’an is the ONLY religious scripture in the world that says ‘marry only one’ Qur’an is the only religious book, on the face of this earth, that contains the phrase ‘marry only one’. There is no other religious book that instructs men to have only one wife. In none of the religious scriptures like of the Hindus or the Bible does one find a restriction on the number of wives. According to these scriptures one can marry as many as one wishes. It was only later, that the Hindu priests and the Christian Church restricted the number of wives to one!

So it’s polygamy but limited and it has its own benefits, individually and socially.

I want to clear one more point here that we human beings are the creation of Allaah SWT Who is All Wise. We can never fully understand His wisdom because of our limited minds.

This subject is very delicate and many practicing brothers and sisters do not want to listen about or even think about marrying at least twice but some of the facts are really scary.

By nature males and females are born in same ratio but males are more exposed to diseases, in other words they are weak in fighting diseases and die. The infant mortality rate of males compared to females is high which leads to the increase in the female population.

On top of that poor males die in wars, road accidents, diseases and even natural death of males are high as compared to females i.e. average lifespan of males is less than that of females.

Due to the above realities at any given time, the population of females in this world is more than males. In the USA, women outnumber men by 7.8 million. New York alone has one million more females as compared to the number of males. Great Britain has four million more females as compared to males. Germany has five million more females as compared to males. Russia has nine million more females than males. Allaah alone knows how many million more females there are in the whole world as compared to males and not to mention gay (sodomites) population who do not wish to marry women.

Now if one man marries only once then what will happen to these excess females? As Dr Zakir Naik explains; suppose my sister happens to be one of the unmarried women, or suppose your sister happens to be one of the unmarried women. The only two options remaining for her are that she either marries a man who already has a wife, or becomes public property. There is no other option. In Western society it is common for a man to have mistresses and/or multiple extra-marital affairs, in which case, the woman leads a disgraceful, unprotected life. The same society and unfortunately the eastern society now, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honorable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life.

Thus the only two options before a woman who cannot find a husband are to marry a married man or to become public property. Islam prefers giving women the honorable position by permitting the first option and disallowing the second.

The solution is simple and here I would repeat the ayah:

Allaah SWT says in Quran: ‘Marry woman of your choice in ‘twos’ ‘threes’ or ‘fours’ but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly, (with them), then only one’ [Surah Nisa, 4:3]

Islam is the religion of peace; justice and it provide all solutions to every problem man can face on this earth!

The solution is simple but the problem is even more complex. By not marrying more than once we have created several problems in our society.

In Pakistan there are many sisters who are really pious and practicing Muslimah but they aren’t getting married because either the practicing brothers they want are still busy pursuing their careers or they are already married. The most devilish consequences of this problem is that our practicing sisters are getting over aged and some are even forced to marry those guys who aren’t practicing at all and even to the skeptics. Just imagine the life of that sister whose husband doesn’t pray or is indulged in Music and just imagine the suffering of her children.

The dilemma is that even some of our pious sisters do not support this cause and do not encourage their husbands to marry again but if you think again this verse of the Quran is for women themselves giving them honor! Will you not want a good pious husband and noble children with good education? Of course you do but why the standards change when it comes to sharing husbands? Will you not want the same for your Muslim sister which you want for yourself? Imam Nawawi narrates the hadith that a person is not a believer until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.

The society is full of sisters who want to marry and finding pious, religious and practicing husbands. Lucky ones get married but what about those who can’t due to some reasons and they wait until 30 or even 35! How can we choose something good for us and ignore others. Isn’t it selfish?

The advice to sisters is the invitation to think, put yourself in the shoes of those unmarried pious women and think how miserable life is. What if, Allaah forbid, she indulges in some sin because it’s getting tougher and tougher for her each day? What if her Eman go down and she starts complaining to Allaah? Shetan is our open enemy and he finds such weak spots in human. The effect of the sin she will do isn’t just limited to her but the whole society would suffer. And never forget that your children too are living in the same society. It’s a circle which comes back, may Allaah protect us and guide us. The point is that Islam demands sacrifices. The life is a test and “Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the dominion, and He is Able to do all things. Who has created death and life, that He may test you which of you is best in deed. And He is the All-Mighty, the Oft-Forgiving;” [Surah Mulk 67: Ayah 1-2]

“The life of the world compared to the Hereafter is as if one of you is to put his finger in the ocean and take it out again and compare the water that remains on his finger to the water that remains in the ocean” [Sahih Bukhari]

If for such a small time we cant bear difficulties and care for others then we really are not worth of living the next life peacefully. We’ll be asked that how much time did we spend in the world and we’ll reply “a day or a part of the day?” Allaahu Akbar. Can you imagine the life of the hereafter, the absolute eternal!

There can be one contention by sisters which is how to control the feeling of jealousy. My dear sisters in Islam, Allaah SWT has created us in best of manners and our hearts are filled with love of Allaah and His Rasool. Nothing can conquer our hearts. We can even beat the shetan who is a jinn then jealousy is just a feeling! If a person really is God fearing and practicing and she really have her eyes on the prize of the hereafter, she wouldn’t worry about anything. If you feel jealousy and if you do jihad against your inclination by controlling yourself because you have shared your husband with another sister for your Aakhirah then you are worshipping and being rewarded by Allaah SWT. On the Day of Judgment Allaah will reward you for every single deed.

There are people who are living happily without any problems.

Jemima Khan writes in her article; What kind of woman is willing to share her husband?, that Aisha (not her real name), a divorced single mother with two children, recently chose to become a second wife. She was introduced to her husband by a friend. She says that at first she was hesitant. “I was like, ‘No, I can’t do it. I’m too jealous as a person. I wouldn’t be able to do it.’ But the more that time went on and I started thinking about it, especially more maturely; I saw the beauty of it.”

They agreed on the terms of the marriage by email, covering details such as “how many days he’d spend with me and how many days he’d spend with his other wife, and money and living arrangements”. They then met twice, liked each other, set a date and were married. Her husband now spends three days with Aisha and her two children from her previous marriage and then three days with his other family, unless one of them is ill, in which case he stays to help but has to make up the missed time to his other wife.

She confesses that “if he was to stay all the time I’d love it”, but says that having time off “is definitely beneficial in some ways as well”. She has “more freedom” to see her friends and her family, and it is a relief “not having a man in your face half the time, when you are cranky, and he can go somewhere else and you can manage the kids on your own”.

The main obstacle to happiness, according to Aisha, “is the sense of ownership” and jealousy. “But that’s something that you’ve just got to use your wisdom to get past . . . It’s more important for me to have a father for my children . . . to have a helping hand when I need it.” She insists that problems arise only when the husband does not treat both wives equally, as explicitly mandated in the Quran, or when the wives are not mature enough to rationalize and accept the situation.

The advice for brothers here is that you have given an option by Allaah SWT. Not everyone is able to marry more than once but for those who are financially well and can deal justly between wives then they must. The greatest thing men can do to save the society from immorality, adultery, haraam relationships is to marry more than once. Go for sisters who are over aged like 30, 35 or older. See Hazrat Khadija RA and Prophet Muhammad SAWW! It’s not about sex, it will go away with the time but it’s about realizing the responsibility and acting like a Momin. Marrying again is like saving one more sister from the cruelest traditions and practices. You must realize the psychological mumbo jumbo going on behind hijabs. The hijab is now looked down in our society Illa Masha’Allaah and if a sister is still unmarried in her 30s then imagine the heart breaking words of society for her and even some parents would say: “bari hijabi banti thi, kaha tha na shaadi nahi ho gi”. It’s not because of hijab but because of looking down on hijab. And even if a non-practicing guy accepts her with her hijab then is it a guarantee that he would not make her life hell by forcing his ideas and values on her?

So my brothers and sisters in Islam, think over it again, forget what people think, we are people of Tawheed, we answer to Allaah only! I would repeat again that think about those sisters in Islam who are forced to get married to some real stupid guys who have nothing to do with Islam, and their lives going upside down! Even their children suffer!

If being a second or third or fourth wife is embarrassing then are we saying that second and third or fourth or eleventh wife of the beloved Prophet SAWW were embarrassing too? No, they were not but they were highly respected and were all happy to live their lives peacefully.

Let’s join hands to save our sisters and let’s marry again! Insha’Allaah! 🙂

May Allaah SWT guide us all!

JazakumAllaahu khair!

[Courtesy: Aware Muslims]